I seem to like writing about love. Well, here are some more poems (not as good as the one yesterday, I think).
#1.
Between sweet kisses
he spoke to me
in a voice of rain.
The water flowed
across my icy palm.
"I love you."
And so I drank.
#2.
Diamond tears flow
from my weeping eyes.
The wind carries my voice away
up to a cloudless sky-
it steals my cries.
PS Check out my playlist! Please suggest songs; I might put them on.
8 comments:
Well, I think if you have no idea or inspiration they you shouldn't write. All the great poets wrote because they got a divine call or whatever. I say it because the word "attempt" make me guess that you were forcing yourself.
i liked the first poem! and i heart muse very very much. and if you like jack's mannequin, you might like his song la la lie. if that's what it's called... i don't really remember. and also i've gotten really obsessed with this song retour a vega by the stills lately. it's in french.
Ropi: well, I did have inspiration. I just couldn't put my idea into words very well. Lol, I wish I could just tell Ann Michelle what I want to depict and let her write it for me. But that would be cheating.
I like your poems; they are very thoughtful (as Ackerman would say). I don't really have time right now, but I will check out your playlist soon, I promise!
Oh, and you should check (The) Arrogant Worms. I think it is a good band.
LOL, now I wonder how that would turn out (if you actually managed to relay what you wanted to depict and I wrote something based on that)... I think I would pester you so much trying to weasel out the amazing phrases you'll say while explaining. Most likely, that's what I'll use - in addition to any picture/photographs you had in mind to match up with it.
I still think you'd do a better job than I, though XD
Anyway, the first "random attempt" is a lovely free verse - unadorned, simple, yet easily capturing the moment. I don't know how you do it... every time I write, I end up with gigantic piles of letters! D:
The second has elegant descriptions that begin to elaborate more where the first did not. The rhyme scheme made it a touch more interesting ("sky" and "cries" go together a whole lot more than I thought before I started reading it aloud). Once again, a splendid message hides behind the snippets. =D
As for songs... I have yet to figure out how to get different computers to play music when I want them to -.-; You already know the songs I put on my music player - I'm pretty sure I'd tell you that's a nice place to start, even though I know you've just about heard every one judging by an earlier post of yours XD
Well, I didn't write the whole story on here for fear it would get erased or my parents might read it and become concerned. But rest assured, it has changed my attitude about something...
Thanks for the poem evaluations!! Let me just say that your "piles of letters" are beautifully written.
Wow, you should write more poems! And it would be interesting to see what titles you could come up with for these ones.
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