Clichéd Love Story

Note: This is much better when read aloud in appropriate voices.

Bertha dabbed on a little extra wart cream as she glanced over at the clock. Five minutes until she would know. Until she would truly know whether there was true love out there for someone with fifty warts on her face and oily skin.

Ding Dong.

No!

Bertha gasped in fright, then dashed ddownstairs and opened the door. There he was.

"Brady?" Bertha gasped as she took in his crooked teeth and glinting bald spot.

'Bertha!" Brady swept her into his arms and carried her into the house.

"But... your picture on the profile..."

"Yes, I photoshopped myself. But darling Bertha, I had to! I've loved you from the moment I heard you belch over the phone. How could I, in my ugly state...?" He set her down and stared off into the middle distance.

"Oh Brady, my love! How could you ever have doubted yourself? I love you for your heart, and besides, you're beautiful to me."

"Oh Bertha! We shall be married in the morning!"

"Brady!"

She flung herself into his arms.

'But... my love... there is something yet to tell you..."

"What?" She said dreamily.

"Come outside," Brady replied grimly. He grasped her soft hand in his and led the way out of the front door. The last rays of sunlight were disappearing over the horizon, but it was enough. Bertha gasped.

"Yes," Brady said in shame, "I sparkle in the sun."