Note: I am not sure if this sounds better in paragraph form or in a poem. Please let me know!
the clicking of their shoes
echoinginging
softly, as if from far away.
Students are outside playing,
laughing,
swimming
in the last rays of summer sun.
But their ghosts are back
patiently awaiting
today.
Shadows roam the halls, the clicking of their shoes echoing softly, as if from far away. Students are outside playing, laughing, swimming in the last rays of summer sun. But their ghosts are back, patiently awaiting today.
http://z.about.com/d/paranormal/1/0/5/T/school_hall_ghost.jpg
4 comments:
Wow.. the poem version sent chills down my spine - I love the way you broke it up! The echoing bit was very haunting too.
Even though the day sounds happy and bright, you do add but a shade of anticipation - touching on the faint allusions of something decidedly sinister.
I like the poem better. And you are an amazing poet!
I like poem form better!
poem form. I think the way you've constructed the phrases conform better to a poem.
Post a Comment