Good Leads, Bad Leads

I do a lot of dancing now, and all this dancing has made me attuned to differences between leaders. There are some things I like and some I don't.

Good leads:

1. Lead. I almost can't enjoy a dance if my lead isn't leading, because I have to concentrate on trying to follow him with no direction from him.

2. Ask someone to dance politely. And this goes for follows too. One of my friends asks people to dance by holding out his hands and wiggling his fingers. It's ok when he does it with me, because he knows me really well, but if a random stranger did that I would consider it kind of rude, because he's basically ordering me to dance. There's no opportunity to say no if I don't want to.

3. Have fun with dancing. I love dancing with leads who are having fun, and leads love dancing with follows who have fun. It makes me feel good that someone is enjoying my company and is having a good time dancing with me.

Bad Leads:

1. Get mad at their follows. It's a dance, guys. If we can't follow you, it's probably because you aren't leading us well enough, but if you are and we don't get it, the dance is supposed to be about having fun. You can suffer through three minutes of horrible following, thank us, and move on. We don't intend to be horrible.

2. Ignore the bubble. Yesterday when I went salsa dancing someone danced with me and hugged me, and put his hand not quite too low but almost. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that kind of dancing, but he ignored me. It was very uncomfortable, and rest assured I will not be dancing with him again.

3. Apologize for everything. Just like leads shouldn't get mad a bad follows, follows shouldn't get mad at leads who can't lead. We may not enjoy the dance, but we accept that the lead can't lead very well and make the best of it. We don't need to hear apologies for every mistake you make. Believe me, we know how you feel.